Monday, June 13, 2011
Another day, another dollar
I can feel summer setting in. I know, it's a little early to say I've felt the full effects of summer and I'm by no means saying I have...I can just feel it starting to take hold. Tonight was my first night back at work and the quick and slow pace of it all makes me remember how different I am from last summer. I've grown as a person and I can tell when I go back to familiar places, people, and tasks: like my job. I'm really proud of the person I am, even though I make mistakes. There's a new girl at work and she went to college to become a therapist. When I found this out, I immediately wanted to talk to her more. That's probably not normal, but I told her anyways and she said, "Well what do you need advice on?" I honestly and truly couldn't think of anything I wanted someonelse's input on. I think that is a very, very good thing. It shows I'm learning to stand on my own two feet and make decisions for myself. As summer goes forward I'm anticipating all the challenges and opportunities that will head my way. I just hope life keeps me on my toes and surprises me every once in a while.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Live and Let Die
Alright, alright. So I was doing my usual nightly routine and started to think about what I wanted to post in here tonight and I couldn't make up my mind on what I should do. I figured a little scatter-brained blogging never hurt anyone, so here goes...
I'm over-analytical. There you have it. Clear as day, simple in black and white lettering. I analyze everything. It's a little ridiculous how much I think about things every day. I wish sometimes that my mind would just rest. Relax. I almost wish that there was a Valium pill I could take just for my mind (not my brain, that would be bad, but my mind). Just to sort of let it chill out for a couple hours, give it a vacation. I pick apart so many experiences I've had and all my thinking isn't always bad, it's just constant. I'm not sure if there is a way to stop myself from analyzing things. I am sure though that this on/off switch takes some time to develop. I heard the song, "live and let live" by Paul McCartney on the radio tonight and I couldn't help but think, "What an incredibly simple and amazing concept." What if I could just...live and let live. "But if this ever-changing world in which we live in, makes you break down and cry, say live and let die." Cool, McCartney---I'll try that. But seriously, I'm going to try that. Right now, I don't have much to lose as far as the choices I make. I mean, yes...I have an entire college education I could throw away if I screw up bad enough, or a family to royally piss off if I get pregnant or something. But generally, I could make a fast and loose decision and it wouldn't effect anyone but myself. So why not? I used to do those types of things all the damn time and it usually ended up biting me in the ass. But I was living for myself, and that was awesome. I envy that about who I used to be. I guess what I'm trying to say is, there's nothing wrong with regressing into an alternate version of yourself for awhile as long as it's a good thing.
Apart from being overly analytical, as I so clearly demonstrated in the above paragraph, I'm terrified of routine. Tomorrow I start my first official work week back at the restaurant and I'm dreading it. Not because I don't particularly enjoy my job, I do (most of the time). But because that means long hours, little free time, and a world consumed by beer. It's the same thing: get up, eat, go to work, come home, shower, eat, sleep, repeat. By the end of last summer I was crawling out of my skin from the mundane schedule I'd fallen into. It's no so bad, I guess. I should be grateful I have a job and I can make money. It's just frustrating to think that I have play by someone else rules starting tomorrow. We'll see how it goes. Until then, I'm going to keep my chin up and keep on keepin' on.
I'm over-analytical. There you have it. Clear as day, simple in black and white lettering. I analyze everything. It's a little ridiculous how much I think about things every day. I wish sometimes that my mind would just rest. Relax. I almost wish that there was a Valium pill I could take just for my mind (not my brain, that would be bad, but my mind). Just to sort of let it chill out for a couple hours, give it a vacation. I pick apart so many experiences I've had and all my thinking isn't always bad, it's just constant. I'm not sure if there is a way to stop myself from analyzing things. I am sure though that this on/off switch takes some time to develop. I heard the song, "live and let live" by Paul McCartney on the radio tonight and I couldn't help but think, "What an incredibly simple and amazing concept." What if I could just...live and let live. "But if this ever-changing world in which we live in, makes you break down and cry, say live and let die." Cool, McCartney---I'll try that. But seriously, I'm going to try that. Right now, I don't have much to lose as far as the choices I make. I mean, yes...I have an entire college education I could throw away if I screw up bad enough, or a family to royally piss off if I get pregnant or something. But generally, I could make a fast and loose decision and it wouldn't effect anyone but myself. So why not? I used to do those types of things all the damn time and it usually ended up biting me in the ass. But I was living for myself, and that was awesome. I envy that about who I used to be. I guess what I'm trying to say is, there's nothing wrong with regressing into an alternate version of yourself for awhile as long as it's a good thing.
Apart from being overly analytical, as I so clearly demonstrated in the above paragraph, I'm terrified of routine. Tomorrow I start my first official work week back at the restaurant and I'm dreading it. Not because I don't particularly enjoy my job, I do (most of the time). But because that means long hours, little free time, and a world consumed by beer. It's the same thing: get up, eat, go to work, come home, shower, eat, sleep, repeat. By the end of last summer I was crawling out of my skin from the mundane schedule I'd fallen into. It's no so bad, I guess. I should be grateful I have a job and I can make money. It's just frustrating to think that I have play by someone else rules starting tomorrow. We'll see how it goes. Until then, I'm going to keep my chin up and keep on keepin' on.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Chew On This
I heard two really interesting things today, and both of them came totally out of no where but it leaves you with an incomplete feeling, knowing you can't totally dissect and digest them as you would like. So:
"You might not ever be right for someone...and they might never be right for you. But they might be less wrong than someone else." ...Think about that for a minute. It's true. You might never find someone who will be 100% right for you, but you might find someone who is less wrong than anyone else. Maybe that's more of what people need to look for: not perfection, but someone who fits. But I don't really want to talk about love and emotion. That's not what the point of this post is. The point was to make you think. Let it sink in, take that apart as you wish.
"Disappointment is anger for wimps. It's okay to get angry every once in awhile." I get disappointed a lot. Too much. But I don't like being angry, so where does that leave me? I suppose when you get angry, you might as well get good and angry. Maybe disappointment, if left alone too long, morphs into anger. Who knows. Honestly, I just wanted to share these two things. They can't be picked apart really. But until my next post, chew on those thoughts. But leave a little flavor for the next one.
"You might not ever be right for someone...and they might never be right for you. But they might be less wrong than someone else." ...Think about that for a minute. It's true. You might never find someone who will be 100% right for you, but you might find someone who is less wrong than anyone else. Maybe that's more of what people need to look for: not perfection, but someone who fits. But I don't really want to talk about love and emotion. That's not what the point of this post is. The point was to make you think. Let it sink in, take that apart as you wish.
"Disappointment is anger for wimps. It's okay to get angry every once in awhile." I get disappointed a lot. Too much. But I don't like being angry, so where does that leave me? I suppose when you get angry, you might as well get good and angry. Maybe disappointment, if left alone too long, morphs into anger. Who knows. Honestly, I just wanted to share these two things. They can't be picked apart really. But until my next post, chew on those thoughts. But leave a little flavor for the next one.
Friday, June 10, 2011
In Progress
I'm going to attempt to write in here about every day, or every other day if possible but that's pre-working Kelsey, so we'll see how it goes. And I can't guarantee I'll have anything good to say either. Not every day can have a philosophical insight, although I'm sure there are many 80 something year old people that would disagree with me. With that said, don't expect anything profound...
However, (there's always a "however" in life, isn't there?)...however, today I realized I'm pretty hard on myself with the things I want to accomplish. I expect a lot from myself as an individual and if I don't achieve it, I pretty much just give up and act like I never really cared much in the first place. And I'm incredibly picky about what I choose to be convicted in. I guess it all depends on my mood really. Either I'm motivated and reluctantly critical, or I'm lackadaisical and painfully cavalier. That was a lot of adverbs and adjectives. Anyway, I just want to try to be more clear in thought and the choices I make in general. And if I want to be that way, it'll take some conviction, but also knowing when enough is enough. By "in general" I mean mostly love-related. I just need to clear up the heart and kind of re-group. Wipe the slate kind of clean, or as much as you can, and remind myself that if you don't like the way things are going...change your attitude.
Attitude change: in progress.
However, (there's always a "however" in life, isn't there?)...however, today I realized I'm pretty hard on myself with the things I want to accomplish. I expect a lot from myself as an individual and if I don't achieve it, I pretty much just give up and act like I never really cared much in the first place. And I'm incredibly picky about what I choose to be convicted in. I guess it all depends on my mood really. Either I'm motivated and reluctantly critical, or I'm lackadaisical and painfully cavalier. That was a lot of adverbs and adjectives. Anyway, I just want to try to be more clear in thought and the choices I make in general. And if I want to be that way, it'll take some conviction, but also knowing when enough is enough. By "in general" I mean mostly love-related. I just need to clear up the heart and kind of re-group. Wipe the slate kind of clean, or as much as you can, and remind myself that if you don't like the way things are going...change your attitude.
Attitude change: in progress.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Kick off
"Don't change who you are, just because you have the opportunity to."
That's my summer mantra. Another year has come and gone and I can't believe it. I have so much to look forward to this summer and I'm more than ready to sit back, relax, and let it roll. Last year, I was so dedicated to find an inner peace and was desperate for a sense of change...which never really came. Well, if there is one thing I learned this past school year is change happens when you least expect it to. That's so horribly cliche I can't even stand it, but it's actually kind of true. Change sometimes comes gradually, sometimes really suddenly, sometimes you notice it right away, and other times you don't realize how much has changed until you stop and look at the past. If there is one thing I love about the summer is the possibility it holds. I have a tendency to become reclusive at home, but eventually I slowly immerse myself in all the glorious wonder of home and revel in it. This isn't the time to be worrying about what can happen, but instead seriously loving every moment of what IS happening. Breathing in the moments...and kicking their ass!
That's my summer mantra. Another year has come and gone and I can't believe it. I have so much to look forward to this summer and I'm more than ready to sit back, relax, and let it roll. Last year, I was so dedicated to find an inner peace and was desperate for a sense of change...which never really came. Well, if there is one thing I learned this past school year is change happens when you least expect it to. That's so horribly cliche I can't even stand it, but it's actually kind of true. Change sometimes comes gradually, sometimes really suddenly, sometimes you notice it right away, and other times you don't realize how much has changed until you stop and look at the past. If there is one thing I love about the summer is the possibility it holds. I have a tendency to become reclusive at home, but eventually I slowly immerse myself in all the glorious wonder of home and revel in it. This isn't the time to be worrying about what can happen, but instead seriously loving every moment of what IS happening. Breathing in the moments...and kicking their ass!
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